CONFIDENCE IS COOL

REMEMBER THE TIME you could not think of anything to say to
the person sitting across from in that little café or across
the conference table? You stammered when they looked your
way. They smiled at you, but still, there was no way to
reach out - and you lost yet another chance to make a good
contact.

REMEMBER THAT PARTY, when you were standing off to one side
by yourself, and the other people were stealing brief
glances at you? Still you couldn't think of the right things
to say.

REMEMBER LEAVING THAT MEETING? Just ahead of you was the
person you really wanted to meet and get to know. You could
not quite summon up the courage to approach. They walked
away into the night and out of your life.

REMEMBER THE EXPERIENCE of uttering a sentence, then
stopping and realizing that it wasn't exactly what you meant
to say?

BY FAR THE MOST TERRIFYING BARRIER to developing
relationships with strangers is learning to talk to them.
Making first contact is sometimes fearful. Even thinking of
approaching a new person makes you break out in a cold
sweat.

YOU CAN'T GET THERE FROM HERE?
How did things get like this, you wonder? It's because
family and peer groups ripped from you at an early age the
innocent social adeptness of the young. The bullying and
being "cut down to size" that passes for socialization
scarred your psyche. The fearful result is that you are not
just shy, but gun shy. But, all that can change. It can be
accomplished.

CAN THIS ALL BE CHANGED, YOU ASK? The answer is -
absolutely yes - because the need to grow is instinctive in
the human spirit. Additionally, self-improvement is proven
to be not only confidence building, but therapeutic. In
fact, failure to do so creates distress and forms of
neuroses.

What radical transformation, then, would it take to reshape
a shy person into an extroverted, socially adept one? Where
can you learn to meet and greet any and all encounters
skillfully and with confidence?

First realize that advanced language skills are but subtle
elaboration's or enhancement of what we already know and do,
yet of a somewhat higher order. Additional examples include
listening, picking up on nonverbal cues, and having a sense
of the other individual's personal space. Finally, the high-
arts - being able to start a conversation with a total
stranger, knowing when to wait and when to act.

IT IS OUR NATURE as human beings to seek affiliation, to
make friends. But sometimes it can be hard for a person to
reach out and create conversation. Most people want to like,
want to love, want to connect, but they are afraid. Things
get in the way of their innate desire; things like FEAR OF
REJECTION or uncertainty about WHAT TO SAY FIRST.

The start of a great relationships starts with "a great
opening line." It knowing what to say first and how to
sustain the conversation that gets attention and BUILDS
CONFIDENCE.

TRUE AND LASTING PERSONAL CONFIDENCE flows from the
knowledge and certainty that you will function skillfully
and convincingly while at ease, in all social or business
encounters. What helps shapes your fate is your ability to
stand your ground in any confrontation, the knowledge that
you will always prevail.

Self-confidence will also grow as you depend less on
fortuitous happenstance, on wishing and hoping - and instead
as a consequence of clarity of purpose. You will become a
stronger person as you see yourself acquiring and applying
new language skills.